Stop Abusing Yourself

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Would you agree that you have a history of being a bit too hard on yourself? Or are you so used to it that you don’t recognize this self-abuse for what it is?

Perhaps you have always called it being a realist, eternally unlucky, or you just believe that this is who you are at the core? Whatever clever word, phrase, or concept you have come up with to accept the stress that you have learned to bring on yourself doesn’t change the fact that you could use a little self-love right now.

Can we agree on that?

We live in terribly competitive and deeply manipulated times.

It is to be expected that we will compare ourselves to others without even meaning to, that’s just how it is with our primitive human minds that desire security over happiness, and that is the agenda of the marketing giants who sell to you as often as they can, in any form that you will choose to hear it, that you could be doing much better than you are, so really, you don’t have much of a chance of avoiding some times of unbelievable self-doubt, and unchecked self-doubt becomes the catalyst for negative self-defeating habits. Now, that’s their fault, but what about what is your fault?

What negativity have you allowed into your life to take up residence? And are you ready to purge this unwanted tennant for good?

I would love to tell you that it is going to be ok, that you are going to succeed past this tough time, and that no matter what you are destined for better days ahead. I want to tell you that, but I think that honesty is the best currency.

The hard truth is, this may be as good as it gets for you if you continue to accept and defend an old negative story as the current real version of you. If you want to have better days ahead then it means changing a self-defeating pattern, and if you are finding that you have been far too hard on yourself lately then one or more of your patterns is not serving you and your highest self, which will ultimately affect the overall level of happiness that you can achieve.

In short, your inability to let go of the past is really fucking up the quality of your life.

Now, let’s call this pattern out, shall we?

You probably already know what has been holding you back, most of us do. The problem isn’t knowing what has been bothering us, the problem is acknowledging it truthfully. We like to protect ourselves from the potential pain of reality by creating false narratives that fit our agendas so that we can keep living as we have been. Our minds are not designed for happiness, they are designed for survival, and change is considered a threat to the safety that our minds desire so obsessively, which is why it is easier to make an excuse than to create some real change, and also why so many of us are carrying a proverbial cross that we should not be.

I want you to look in the mirror and say ‘hello’ to yourself.

Stare into your own eyes.

Acknowledge that you are speaking with yourself now.

This is your new ritual. So get used to it.

This may seem a bit uncomfortable at the start. It’s an unusually vulnerable state to place yourself in because you can bullshit everyone else but you can’t bullshit yourself, not if you are standing face to face with you.

I want you to try this with me, as I have so many times before, I want you to feel empowered, not scared or intimidated. This is it, this is the moment that you have been putting off because it’s going to bring on change, and your brain doesn’t like the c-word remember, and it’s going to try to avoid becoming someone different.

But stay here, and stay with it.

Ask yourself what has been bothering you. Ask yourself what past story has been replaying in the back of your mind. Ask yourself for the real answer.

Now close your eyes and think deeply about those questions.

When you come to a simple and clear answer only then can you open your eyes again.

And what is a simple and clear answer? You don’t need to worry about that, that’s the beauty of a raw and authentic moment like this, you can feel the truth of the moment flow through your being, and if you can drop your guard fully then your reflection will offer you the encouragement that you need to reach the answer that you need to hear.

Now, open your eyes, look at yourself, and speak directly to you.

Tell yourself exactly why you have been so hard on yourself.

And do not shy away from whatever monster might lurk within your mind, it’s time to bring that bastard into the light.

“I am unlucky in love because I have not learned to love myself first.”

“I am unsuccessful because I am lazy and playing too many videogames and I am addicted to procrastination.”

“I don’t think that I am attractive because I don’t look anything like the perfect influencers on social media.”

“I am disappointed in myself for not being able to save my friend from a drug addiction that took their life.”

“I am still holding onto the anger from my partner cheating on me.”

“I am still holding onto the pain and regret of cheating on my partner.”

“I just know that I am a failure in the eyes of my parents.”

“I am scared of failing, and I am also scared of success.”

“I can’t accept the sexual abuse that I went through in my past.”

“I don’t know how to tell the one that I am with that I do not love them any longer and that I need something more.”

As you can see there is no shortage of intense and understandable reasons why we end up carrying so much extra pain throughout our lives. There is no easy way to say many of these things so we often come up with other reasons to take their place. The idea is that we can wait another day to create the change that our spirits long for, that our revolutions can wait while we simply make it through another day as we are until we reach the day where we will be strong enough to force the change that we have been avoiding for so long. And therein lies the flaw in our pattern of avoidance, the crosses that we carry weigh us and break us down until we only have the strength to keep carrying them, but by acknowledging the truth to yourself you will start to free yourself from the burden that you have been carrying all this way.

When you cut away the excess bullshit and learn to say it exactly how you feel it then you can start the journey towards a more fulfilling life, but you must be honest, you must be clear, and you must be willing to say whatever it is that you need to say to get through to you.

You have to understand that you have been standing in your own way this entire time, and it’s time that you take responsibility for that.

There is no need to be too hard on yourself in this life, it’s hard enough as it is for all of us, and if you are in the cycle of self-abuse then there must be a reason. Find that reason as soon as you can and start to heal your spirit through direct action, anything less is feeding the monster that has been feasting on your hopes and dreams.

The process of acknowledgment to action to revolution is never an easy one, but I can tell you that more often than not the false narratives and fear-based convictions that we have agreed to hold onto hurt us far more than any change that we could experience.

“Honestly. Change, no matter how extreme, is far easier when you just accept that shit.”

I promise that you will be thankful that you started talking to yourself and started acknowledging the painful truths that you have been trying to avoid. It won’t be long until you will feel a new power growing inside you as soon as you start to bring your demons into the light to be exorcised.

It is rarely easy, but it’s always worth it.

Stop abusing yourself by avoiding the change that you so desperately need in your life.

It’s time to say “Hello to you.”

Don’t you think?