NO ONE IS COMING TO SAVE YOU

(Why being an avoidant is putting you in danger)

I have, quite often, publicly played it calm in the face of the storms that life continuously sends my way. I always have. Call it good natured, spiritually inclined, or whatever else makes me look like I carry a strength within me that is nothing short of impressive or noteworthy, because this is always good for my confidence.

I just ‘smile through it’, I always have, because I never wanted to be a hindrance to anyone else, I never wanted my problems to become yours, and because I have grown up pushing my truths so far into the darkness that I once stumbled into the life of an avoidant.

Being an avoidant is easy, until it gets hard, and when it gets hard it often feels impossible.

How do you know if you are acting like an avoidant? Consider how you approach the problems in your life, do you look them straight in the eyes and say, ‘I’m going to take you head on so that I can be done with this and move on to something better.’ Or do you avoid making eye contact with your problems, making sure not to even speak your problems name out loud? Do you then leave the room, and hope that your problem will choose to move out if given enough time without your attention?

Was that a bit obscure? Ok, how about this. Do you challenge your problems as they come up or do you ignore them until you feel like dealing with them? Which, and by the way, to an avoidant, they never feel like dealing with them.

The problem with being an avoidant is that life stacks up. It gets heavy, and it gets undeniable. It looks like you have everything under control until the mess spills out of the room you have been trying so hard to keep locked, and then it is clear for all to see that you have almost nothing under control.

I played it so calm for so long that those who knew me thought that I was living my best life, with an excess of courage and clarity to spare for everyone else. I think that I even started to believe in my own bullshit, thinking that I had it all under control, and that my stress was manageable, indefinitely. Boy, was I so very wrong. I even gave others who were openly stressed the basic advice that they needed to calm down, choose optimism, and lean on their faith a bit more, reminding them that everything was going to be ok…and I told them this even when inside I was emotionally pressed to the ground, below it even. I told them this because I was also trying to convince them to avoid their problems as well. You know what they say, ‘Ignorance is bliss’ and ‘Misery loves company.’

Either way, I wasn’t acting in my most empowered self, because that would mean I would have to face the music, the reality, the fact that I was a textbook avoidant…and I hated this fact.  

The problem with allowing yourself to become an avoidant is that it spills over into other areas of your life, not just your bill payments stacking up and your room staying cluttered another day, no, that might be ok, but being an avoidant  does so much more harm in the long run as it often spills over into your life like a fucking tsunami.

When you avoid the problems as they arrive to you, you allow the problems to shake your confidence, your faith, your belief in yourself, and your belief in others. Eventually, the problems that you smile through crack the mask that you are wearing, and the world will come to see you for who, and what, you are on the day that you have always hoped to avoid.

And who is going to save you, if not you?

Because, and I am going to save you the field trip here, no one is coming to save you.

Those who challenge their problems will eventually lose their respect for you, and they will protect their peace by staying away from an avoidant at all costs. And your friends, the other avoidants, they aren’t ever going to challenge you, and you know, at the core, that this is why they are your friends in the first place, because they don’t want to clean up their messy rooms either.

I didn’t know that I was being an avoidant. It’s just who I was, and I was really quite good at it.

I came by it honestly, as I grew up in a world where we never talked about the monster under the bed, we just carried on and we pushed through. Collecting our traumas like you might collect Pokémon cards. I didn’t know that I was being an avoidant, I just thought that I was being mature enough to not let stuff bother me enough to make it public, because I hate disappointment, from myself and from others. This is such a male thing to do, just suck it up, hold it in, until one day you start snapping, and after that happens, it’s just a consistent series of emotional breakdowns, each one leading you to a point in time where you must make a choice; you either keep running from your demons, or you stop, turn around, and face them as you should have done before.

This, right here, this is the pivotal moment. The very moment where you can change your life, reclaim your power, and release the ways of the avoidant for good.

But how?

For me, it came in the form of journaling and shadow work. For those new to these things, journaling is the personal act of writing without limits and writing to yourself in a raw honesty that feels dangerously vulnerable. And shadow work is all about shining a light on the truths about yourself that you have successfully placed hidden, deep within yourself. By using both these things together I discovered, and still do continue to uncover, even more powerful truths about myself.

It starts out as a word on a page, followed by a few more that go deeper, and eventually, you enjoy the cathartic nature of journaling and shadow work so much that you make time for it daily.

I am not going to say that it doesn’t start out difficult, because the truth is, you will resist the truth that you have hidden. You might even write down a few lies that your avoidant self has conjured up to keep you from fundamentally changing, and it will be up to you to strike those falsities from the record, or you might end up letting the disempowering cycle continue. 

If you have made it this far into my rant, then chances are you might just be in need for some journaling and shadow work in your own life. So, if I can offer some practical advice before you take the plunge, here are a few things to consider so that you have the highest chance at success in your journey.

There is nothing about journaling and shadow work that requires the approval from others, and for this reason I would ask that you start immediately an tell no one, not until you have done this long enough that your confidence in doing this cannot be shaken. The hard truth is that not everyone who cares about you wants to see you change, and they could easily become the first ones to try to derail your soul work sessions.

Journal daily, but this does not mean that you should be focusing on shadow work daily as well. Journaling can be daily because you are not trying to say or uncover anything, but rather you are doing this as a way to get some random immediate thoughts out, where shadow work is aimed at shining a light on some things that you have been very much trying to hide within yourself, and that journey should not be taken daily if your intention is to heal and empower yourself in a healthy way.

Finally, understand that journaling works best when you do not edit as you go. This writing is not about perfection or social sharing, it is meant for you to say what you want to say, and how you want to say it, in the most raw and authentic voice that you can bring to the page. No one ever has to read it, and you can even burn the page once you done writing. This is not about creating something for tomorrow, it is about doing something very specific for today.

You can start your journaling with a simple question to get started. For me, I asked myself these questions

‘Why am I writing this?’

‘What do I need to tell myself today’

And then for my shadow work I asked myself ‘How do you know that you are an avoidant?’

Then I made a point to rephrase the question to get a better answer. ‘What am I avoiding, right now?

It’s true, no one is coming to save you. There are no heroes beyond yourself.

Healing is hard. Write it out. Rise anyway

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Ready to Break Free from Avoidance and Step into Your Power?

If this post resonated with you, it’s a sign you’re ready for deeper transformation. I offer personalized empowerment coaching designed to help you overcome avoidance, reconnect with your purpose, and build the confidence to live life on your own terms.

Through guided journaling, shadow work, and emotional clarity practices, we’ll uncover the patterns holding you back—and rewrite the story you tell yourself.

✨ Let’s turn self-sabotage into self-trust.
✨ Let’s transform avoidance into aligned action.
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